Today was a weird day for me. Have you ever has those days where you just feel kind of off.....somewhere out in thoughtland your mind roams and you just feel like your floating in a huge vacuum of nothing? Yeah, that's a little example of how I felt today...and still do. I don't understand why but I'm just in really deep thought about my life today. I think we all get like this once in a while but I kind of don't like it sometimes. I've been thinking about my life lately and how I've been living it. For several months now my wife Jenelle and I have been blessed by our new church "New Life." Every Sunday we go in to a new theme that is linked to a message or series and it just draws our attention SO MUCH!! I love it! And recently, I was asked by the youth pastor Tim to come and check out the youth. I had mentioned to Heidi (one of our good friends at New Life) that I love youth and that I used to be a professional skateboarder and just love to hang out with kids. Well, that word got to Tim and he approached me and asked me to come. That's my little short story on how that came about. But the crazy thing is I was already praying about if I should go the youth group anyway to see what it was about. I loved the cool signs they have up like "Ourspace" instead of myspace, and it just looked like a cool venue. Long story short, I went once and now I am in the process of becoming a staff member for the youth group. I've always wanted to work in youth because my dad did and I have a passion for that. I also have a past in gangs so I have quite a bit that I can relate with these kids, but you know.....it's harder than I thought. Don't get me wrong....I'm not going to back down and not be involved but you just tend to forget sometimes that you're dealing with real people. So I myself need to be real. Now this is something that I've been struggling with my entire life....and I mean my ENTIRE LIFE....... When I was a young boy there were many bad things that happened to me that really caused me to build this wall of who I really was....even with God. I knew there is a God, and I knew my parents would do anything for Him....even die, but I just didn't trust anybody....not even myself. I felt really bad about who I was and about what had happened to me. I thought that if I told people the truth they would exile me to the farthest, most loneliest place on earth and just not love me. So, I started to lie to people....I mean blatently lie about every aspect of my life. I lived two lives in two different towns basically. When I was at home I would be the good pastor's son who would do anything for my mom and dad. I would go to church and dress up all nice and smile to all of the old ladies....I would even let them squeeze my cheeks (on my face). However, when I was in the other town....I was a dark, sinister person who wanted people to hurt like I did. I would get into fight after fight. I would think of bad things to do to people for them to fear me or feel at least some of the pain I was feeling. When I got older the lies got better and better. So good that I started to believe them. I would tell people that I was rich, fameous from skateboarding, rap, you name it. I wanted to be recognized! I wanted the attention. And when that didn't work I would hurt myself....even to the point of me being hospitalized because I just didn't feel like anyone care. But this all changed a few years ago....I was on a downward spiral after some major events took place in my life and I just needed to change, or die. I moved to San Diego in 2005 (Sept. 17 to be exact). At this time I started meeting Christian people who were real....people that had never known me and loved me for just who I am. I met my wife and she helped me not to exaggerate. Now I feel the most real I have ever felt....the pastors and people at New Life Church are also to thank for that. Whew.....my hands are really tired so I'm going to stop now. More to come later.... 
 

Greg Romero II

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